I'm Not Seein' Grand. I'm Not Seein' Lux.

Grand Lux Cafe
121 N. La Cienega Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA
7.16.06 - Sunday, 1:15 PM
Myself + 1 guest (apocalypse Wow! drummer)


My boy PR (I call him Punk Rocker) needed a keen woman's eye on his latest shopping spree, and I was all a-flutter. He's an ex-internet boyfriend from way back, and he's also the inspiration for the male protagonist in le novel. A special boy. Anyhoo, I haven't been to the Beverly Center in *eons* (since I made the change to a writer's salary, ahem), so I was all-a-flutter. But when you shop like I do, you first need to get some fuel.

I had originally suggested we meet at The Wave - the horrific R&B lounge in the center of the main mall floor, but PR got confused (which I'm grateful for) and ended up at the Grand Lux. After flurries of cell phone calls and "where are you again?"s, we, at last, got to dine.

This place, our little GL, is over. The. Top. Way to big, way to gold, way too silly. I've been there before without any impressions other than, it's just too much. And at the top of the too list - too mediocre. The menu is gargantuan - they're just trying to tackle too much of failing across the board. I suspect this place is owned the Cheesecake Factory crew - same tacky decor, same massive-esque menu, same tasteless parade of fatty and flavorless food. But incredibly convenient, so what they heckerz.


Drinks:

Moi - Bloody Mary. So-so. Rather weak, not very spicy. Blah.
PR - Vodka lemonade. About the same.

I will say our bartender was cute as can be and sweet to boot. But, well, slow. I forgive her.


My entree:

Spicy Calamari Salad
- Iceberg lettuce, fried calamari chunks, spicy miso dressing
** The only truly redeeming feature of this dish - the squid didn't have the consistency of chewing gum. But flavor? They forgot that in the kitchen, apparently. It had a spice, I suppose, but of the oily, after-thought variety - just not good. Bor-ing.

PR
Cheeseburger Melt
- Medium well patty with cheddar cheese on Parmesan cheese bread and served with french fries.
* Holy crap this was decadent. But not really in a good way - too much of a good thing. SO greasy. Fries were decent and warm and somewhat tasty. But if you're going to blow the diet, hell, just got to In 'n Out.


The damage for 4 drinks and 2 entrees was about $62, before tip. Did I mention it was also too expensive? Affirmative.


RESTAURANT REPORT CARD

Ambiance - C
Service - C
Food (Taste) - C-
Food (Presentation) - D+
Wine/Drinks - C
Value - C-
Overall Experience - C-

Final word - Unless I'm bribed, I won't go back. Blech.